Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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