shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
