and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
