Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
