toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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