pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i have two assholes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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