You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
