If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dick very happy bro
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
