I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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