the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
