FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
