Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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