You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
