You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize