Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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