He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
