saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize