Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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