Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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