every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
