Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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