Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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