You smell like stripper and shame
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
