Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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