I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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