Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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