I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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