Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
