Umm I'm too high to move.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
