I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
