sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
