Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
