Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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