We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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