were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
be right there i have to get my cape
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
