meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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