so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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