There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
