i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
