So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
