the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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