Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
