Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
