quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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