I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
as a side note pls kill me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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