yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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