6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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