Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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