none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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