why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
