Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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