yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was confusing and full of hummus
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
