k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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