every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
