I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
