you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
