Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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