I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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