my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
