man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
