At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Never joke about your clitoris.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize