I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
