I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
