I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
