dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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