A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
