Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
