When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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