There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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