your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
