So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
