I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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